Affect or Effect: The Big Showdown

My nephew Charlie has asked me to address the difference between affect and effect. Because Charlie is a member of our armed forces, off in the middle of nowhere, away from his family, fighting to keep the world safe, getting seasick on an aircraft carrier (okay, I doubt that he gets seasick), I have agreed to answer his question. Also because he's my nephew,and I love him. Also because I answer everybody's questions.

Okay. Moving on.

Now Charlie assures me that he knows the difference between affect and effect; he was just having trouble explaining it to someone else. He's my nephew, and I believe him. Okay, then.

Let's start with some simple definitions

Affect is a verb meaning "to do something that produces an effect or change in something or in someone's situation."

Effect is a noun meaning "the result of an action or event."

Okay. So affect is an action, and it must act upon something else:

• How will the rain affect the crops?
• How does that kid who won't stop talking affect the nerves of his teacher?
• How will this missile affect that group of terrorists?

Since effect is a noun, we're using it to name the outcome or result of an action, not the action itself.

• What is the effect of the rain on the crops?
• What effect does that kid who won't stop talking have on his teacher's nerves?
• What is the effect of this missile on that group of terrorists?

Easy, right? Let's have a quiz. Fill in the blank with either "affect" or "effect." The answers are at the bottom of the page. 

1. Dramamine had a soothing _____ on Charlie's seasick stomach.

2. The U.S. Air Force has had several important _____ on the War on Terror.

3. Johnny's habit of hiding a comic book in his text had a negative _____ on his grade in class.

4. As an _____ of the teacher's excellent work, all of her students are above average.

5. His mother's constant nagging did not ______ Harold's habit of wiping his mouth on his sleeve.

Very simple. Affect is the action, and effect is the result of the action.

 On a side note, the adjective form of effect is effective. This is commonly used to describe something that results in a desired outcome.

• The class's behavior was effective in making their teacher hide under her desk.
• Is solar power an effective source of energy?
• Becoming concerned about your grade the last day of the quarter is not an effective strategy.

 Answers to the quiz:

1. Dramamine had a soothing effect on Charlie's season stomach.

2. The U.S. Air Force has had several important effects on the War on Terror.

3. Johnny's habit of hiding a comic book in his text had a negative effect on his grade in class.

4. As an effect of the teacher's excellent work, all of her students are above average.

5. His mother's constant nagging did not affect Harold's habit of wiping his mouth on his sleeve.

Very good! That's it! Now some of you picky people and grammarphiles might want to read the next little bit, but I don't recommend it. It's about some unusual uses of the words, and most people never need to know about this stuff. So just skip right to the comments, and let me know if this little lesson was at all helpful. What other topics do I need to cover in coming days?

 _____________________________________________________________________________

*Now there is a word, "affective," but it has nothing to do with what we're talking about, so forget about it. Just pretend it's not there. The average person will never use it. It's a psychological term dealing with emotions, and we just don't want to go there. People who have Seasonal Affective Disorder are affected by this word, but not your average sailor, so forget it.

**Also, sometimes "effect" can be used as a verb in formal English (that's not your everday English). For example:

Many parents lack confidence in their ability to effect change in their children's behavior.

It means produce/create something, like "change." Now just forget it.

The Hillbilly Speaks

As of course you know, I am married to my favorite hillbilly, whom I call The Hillbilly. Because I'm creative like that. For some time now, The Hillbilly has been threatening promising to write a blog post for me so that you can get to know him better. Well, he's done it, and here it is. Enjoy!

As my wife’s biggest fan, I thought it might be time to introduce you to her hillbilly.  I call myself the Missouri, Ozarkian, Redneck, Hillbilly.  Born in Missouri, in the Ozark Mountains.  Apparently a redneck, because according to my children, (when they were young and thought they knew everything), the whole town was redneck.  And yeah, I am a hillbilly!

 Hey, it is the Ozarks!  And though a girl I once dated  was less than impressed by my title and thought by using it, I must have  low self-esteem, she was wrong!  Let’s be honest, my title has a nice ring to it!

Sometime back, Cynthia claimed I was outdoorsy and rugged.  And I guess that is true.  I was born in a house with no bathroom.  That was not that unusual in rural Missouri in 1951.  One-hole outhouses were  common and even two-holers for those who were up and coming.  Now, though you might think that was what made me tough, it isn’t.  However, if in the winter, you can go out side in 0 degree weather and sit down in one of those,  you are tough!  It makes you not mess around and you just get the job done!  On the opposite side of that, in the summer, if you happen to sit down and put your hand on a snake, (I have done that), it does take care of problems such as constipation!

The old Meents family home

   However, though I have used outdoor toilets many times, I do not remember ever  having one.   My parents had a bathroom built when I was two which also meant that they needed an 8 foot deep hole for a septic tank.  And I had a tricycle!  That’s it kid, go ride your tricycle around that hole.  That’s it, headfirst into the hole.  It will get you ready for motocross and such!

Or go play around Dad and your sisters while they unload rocks from the trailer!  Yeah, not a good idea either.  I still have an extra part in my hair over that one.  For some reason, I don’t remember much of that year!  But you can see why I became tough and hey, from three on, I have a fairly good recall.

So, I grew up surrounded by a loving family, cows, dogs, cats, chickens, and sometimes pigs and horses!  I was able to roam over hundreds of acres. (ours and the neighbors).  Our parents didn’t start worrying about us until chore or supper time and most people didn’t lock their doors.  I don’t reckon that we’ll see those times again.  It was a good life with lots of fun and experiences that most children will never have again.

Inside the Old Barn

At any rate, before I get all maudlin, if you would like to occasionally hear about some of those times or current thoughts, or just hillbilly wisdom, let Cynthia know.

From the Hillbilly’s Corner!

That's my Hillbilly!! Do you love him as much as I do? Would you like to hear from him again? Let me know!

Return of the Zombie Apocalypse--Part Two

Be sure to check out part one of Return of the Zombie Apocalypse.

Yesterday I began telling you how my students responded to the Zombie Apocalypse assignment. Apparently there will be no shortage of supermodels in the post-apocalyptic world, and the male pop singers will also be well represented. The surest way of surviving the zombie attack, however, is to be the mom of the kid building the zombie-proof shelter. These kids really like their moms.

The shelters themselves were quite varied. M.R. says that her shelter is pretty big: It has an exercise room, (we have to be fit if we are going to try and rebuild civilization) a spa, and a lounge with books, games, and electronics. S.P. has built a "deluxe" bunker: I put a lot of time and money into my bunker; it is full of food and water (the necessities). It contains a lavish movie theater for those nights I can’t sleep and  a pool to stay in shape for swim season. According to C.H., her bunker is huge: A good amount of entertainment is stocked up. For example, I have a few guitars, a Rubic's cube, a hacky sack, video games, and Netflix. 

Sure to keep you occupied during those zombie-filled weeks and months.

Not all of the bunkers were stocked quite so benignly. R.Y. said that his bunker had, "an armory with all the weapons and explosives that a man could desire."  It seems many of the boys weren't content to wait until the zombies starved. Several of them wanted to take the nuclear physicist into their shelter believing that he could "totally NUKE the zombies."  B.D. seemed very excited about the prospect of zombie decapitation...I'm sorry that was "zombie DECAPITATION!!!"  And don't worry about how these inexperienced young boys were going to be able to stand against the zombies. I.T. points out, "I have been training on video games for a long time so I know what to do in this situation" 

I don't know about you, but that certainly makes me feel better.

There were several surprises for me when the kids reported whom they would take with them into their shelters.

First there was the young pregnant woman with a small child. Some of the kids would take her for purely emotional reasons. A.M. points out, "The next person, or people I should say, would be the pregnant lady. C’mon you can’t leave a baby with a whole bunch of zombies., well you can but that would be just messed up." And M.B. says, "I would choose to let the pregnant lady in, because, well duh, you can’t let a pregnant lady get eaten. It’s just not right."

A lot of the other kids had a very practical reason for keeping her, a reason that hadn't occurred to me:  The second person i would take would be a pregnant woman because she is young and has a small child and an unborn one. Three people in one deal and they would be great for the new civilization which needs more people.

Several kids decided that the elderly woman who had once been a chef would be an asset because, "Although we would have the food in our shelter with us, we would need to know how to prepare it, especially once we are free to roam the planet again. How do we do that? Well we bring the elderly chef of course! She would be the one to teach us how to cook foods and bring certain foods to an edible state." Or as C.E. points out, "everyone knows that elderly women make the best food." Personally, I hope the zombies don't agree!

Probably the biggest surprise was the kid who said he'd take the highway worker who holds the stop sign. I had kind of thrown him in for fun thinking he'd be left behind for sure. However, D.K. made a very astute observation. "Because in movies, most of the time, the guy that seems the most useless develops into a very significant and powerful character in the movie." He then goes on to cite examples such as  Neville in the Harry Potter series and Samwise Gamgee in the Trilogy of the Rings.

Of course not everyone who said they'd bring the highway worker had such literary backing. A.A. would bring him because, "he never bothered anybody before the apocalypse, and he seems like a pretty helpful guy since he had the conscious to hold the stop sign when he didn’t need to. He’s also pretty strong since he carried a stop sign all morning long."  So there you go.

These little essays were written in the form of blog posts over at kidblog.org. My students have been posting weekly and commenting on each others posts for some time. I'd like to close by sharing one final post with you. This one, written by M.B., has a little bit of everything and quite a few chuckles. To give you bits and pieces would be a disservice. So here it is:

In this very interesting blog, our city has been taken over by flesh eating zombies. Fun! Now apparently, I have created a fortress able to keep the zombies away from my precious little brain, while everyone else is turned into human happy meals. I have enough food to last for six people for a while. I am allowed to let six people into my fortress of protection, and once the zombies run out of human munchies, their stomachs will implode and we will be safe again. First, I would choose to let the pregnant lady in, because, well duh, you can’t let a pregnant lady get eaten. It’s just not right. Next I’d take my mom. No explanation needed. I’d also take a doctor, because if anyone comes in hurt, the doctor can treat them. A soldier would also be very useful, just in case any zombies penetrate my impenetrable fortress of impenetrability. They shouldn’t though, especially since I put up a sign saying “No zombies allowed”. Next I would let in an elderly chef lady, so we can eat really good food. The zombies don’t get any. The last person I will allow into my fortress would be a nuclear physicist. He could figure out how the virus was spread, and maybe even find a cure. Once the zombies are gone, we will have to re-colonize, which will take time. Who knows, the virus could be a result of a meteor crash, or an experiment gone wrong. All questions could be answered in the City of the Dead… but not in this blog.

Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to my world.